Domestic Violence
Shatter The Silence. Stop the Violence.
Every Year
Domestic violence is not a private matter. It is a crime. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age, economic status, race, educational and religious background. It exists in every community.
“It’s hard to tell other people about our family matters…they can’t help us and may just talk about us during meals.” Such remarks are made by many of our clients suffering from domestic violence. It highlights the influence of traditional Chinese values, how Chinese people tend to tolerate domestic violence at first and how helpless they feel. According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) in 2010, only 19.6% of the Asian population acknowledge being victims of intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking. The prevalence is significantly lower than other ethnic groups, who have a prevalence of at least 35-46%. However, researchers of Asian Pacific Institute on Gender-Based Violence analyzed several quantitative studies of mental health and discovered that the actual percentage among Asian Americans is between 20-55%. Many have become ill as a result of long-term repression. Only when seeking medical help are they reported as victims of domestic abuse. Unfortunately, there are a lot more unreported cases. A typical image of a domestic violence victim is a woman with lower educational level who is highly dependent on their partner. Yet, this is not always the case. Among the women served by GOH, more than 65% have at least high school level of education. Many of them are permanent residents or citizens and have graduate degrees. However, they, too, choose to remain silent for a long time like others.
Due to traditional notions such as “Do not wash your dirty linen in public”, “Harmonious family relationships are the most precious”, and the wish to prevent children from living in a broken home, our clients are often afraid to cut off the already twisted and abusive relationship right away. Yet many clients bravely seek help when their children develop depression symptoms or behavioral problems. As one client who was struggling about whether to leave expressed, “I can’t see my future path. I don’t know who will catch me and help take care of my child when I fall.” It does not mean these women are incompetent of becoming independent. Rather, it is the long-term degradation from abusers that have corroded the courage and confidence of these women to walk alone.
Garden of Hope counselors understand these women’s conflicted emotions and sense of insecurity, thus, they respect their complex feelings and accept the final decisions they make. While providing job training, we also accompany clients to apply for benefits if needed, and let them know that they are not alone. We also have on-site services at Brooklyn and Queens Family Justice Centers to provide more comprehensive legal assistance. We hope to serve as a gatekeeper, a beacon to help the women see the road ahead, to reduce their frustration when facing difficulties.
Raising awareness is the fundamental step to start helping yourself and people you care. Below is critical information about domestic violence s which you should know and spread the knowledge to make impact on your community.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It can be shown in multiple ways:
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is the intentional use of physical force, knowing its potential of causing injury, harm, disability or even death. Examples of physical abuse include hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting and hair pulling. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.
Sexual Abuse
Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.
Emotional Abuse
Undermining an individual’s sense of identity, dignity and self-worth is abusive. This may include isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation or damaging one’s relationship with her/his children.
Psychological Abuse
Elements of psychological abuse include but are not limited to causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.
Economic Abuse
Is defined as making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one’s access to money, or forbidding one’s attendance at school or employment.
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse involves manipulating victim’s religious or spiritual beliefs, or preventing the victim’s practice of their religious or spiritual beliefs, in order for the abuser to gain control over the victim and ensure submission.
Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life – therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society’s next generation of victims and abusers.
Break the myths about Domestic Violence
Myth: Domestic violence is a private matter. It is rare.
Fact: In NYC alone, over 50 victims are murdered in domestic violence, and over 10,000 serious incidents of domestic violence crimes are reported each year.
Myth: Domestic violence is a problem of the uneducated or of the poor.
Fact: Perpetrators and victims of domestic violence come from all ethnic backgrounds, socioeconomic classes, religious affiliations, professions, and ages. Domestic violence knows no boundaries.
Myth: Alcohol or drug abuse are the root causes of domestic violence
Fact: There is never an excuse for domestic violence. No one deserves to be abused.
Myth: Victims of domestic violence should be blamed for not leaving.
Fact: Victims of domestic violence may not leave immediately because of practical considerations, lack of trusted help, social pressures to stay, besides conflicting emotions about leaving a home. Whether the victim decides to remain with their abusive partners or leave, it is important to plan for safety.
Myth: Children are not affected if they do not witness the violent incidents.
Fact: Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average.
Get Help
Does your partner…
Humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?
Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
Call, text, or email you several times a day or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Blame you for how he/she feel or act?
Pressure you sexually for things you don’t want to do?
Threaten to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends or themselves?
Destroy personal property or throw things around?
Threaten to expose your citizenship status or have you deported?
